Satire of a the drubk soul.

I feel dead right now.I am alive but its like there's a knot in my heart and everything just feels dead and bitter. Soo what's my fault? I was at this middle age, uber, sophistocated drinking party where everyone got really drunk and I apparently broke the social paradigm of drinking beer in the most rugged, un lady like wretched way possible. I held the bottle in my hand and drank it in the presence of an emminent guest. This may be socially wrong and I'm too stupid to have realised. Well logically at least I am justified.
1) beer is like 5% alcoholic and apparently Id be better off spoiling my liver in the most lady loke fashion of gracefully sugar coating it in a juice and having the concoction in a glass.
2 ) It's ok for a man to do it, but oops I'm born with two ovaries and not a pair of balls.
3) People got too drunk, they were adrenaline pumped and were boisterously merrying.I did no such thing.
But I'm a bitch coz I'm too stupid to more that I wasn't supposed to hold the beer bottle in my hand. Il pretend like I'm an imbecile for not having known that and let guilt eat me from within and promise to not even touch the forbidden fruit..........in front of other people.

lol i dont even know what I am doing at this point. I just randomly think that the internet is an attractive solution to all my problems, my biggest enemy and my fear: ME.I dont study even when i want to and need to. Just looks boring and procrastination just has its way with me. All that i want to do is watch movies n stuff on the net, spend pointless time on my phone, think is about junkt food and constantly thinking about how bad i look. My hair, my skin, my annoyingly front denteta. My room is a mess, just like my life. No goal, no direction. I feel miserable deep down but just continue loafing around and momentarily happy whne im with people. Till when will this continue? I think i need a psychiatrist. I dont even have a word for this diesease, oh wait... laziness i think. And whats worse, it aint even a disease in a book. Addictive like coke(not that ive tried it) and an infinite loop in an abysmal  quagmire where i am afraid of being stuck for the rest of my life. God, please save me, from ME.